Ink & Penstemon

So a hawk builds a nest in your yard. The hawk wants you to stay clear of its nest. You don’t want the hawk attacking you every time you go out to mow your lawn. And we have a standoff.

It’s currently happening in Ohio. I was attracted to the story from the lead: “Man Attacked By Hawk While Mowing Lawn.” That elicited a chuckle. I immediately thought of Benjamin Vogt’s antipathy towards lawn-mowing and thought this was the ultimate solution: lure a hawk to nest on your property and have him sink his talons into any neighbor who dares to venture out on his rider mower.

Of course it falls apart when your neighbor takes a chainsaw to it. Hawks return to nesting sites year after year, so rather than living with the hawks, this property owner plans to cut down the mature oak tree the birds have claimed as their home. He tried to cut down the tree after he was attacked, but the government told him you can’t destroy the nest and egg clutch as the hawks are federally protected. So, he will wait until after the hawks have gone for the winter to fell the tree. Right after he casts a vote for Ron Paul.

When mowing your lawn requires you to don a batter’s helmet, and you are willing to destroy an ancient oak tree, the removal of which will probably cost you around $2K, you need to start reevaluating your landscaping choices.

If it’s not a crime against nature, it’s a crime against fashion.

My favorite part in all of this is at the end when they play the “Won’t someone think of the children!” angle. Indeed sir, I think about a world in which people are willing to destroy huge trees and endangered raptors because they can’t mow their lawns, and I fear for their future. 

I hope the hawks come back next spring and roost in their rain gutter.